Seeking intrepid space pilots with a death wish and a wrist to spare!
The Tiny Asteroids Company is looking for brave souls who favor fortune over longevity. Youll be at home in the hottest cockpit of your life and we will figuratively pay you to explore and clear the outer rim of all asteroids and aliens.
(Life Insurance NOT included)
So, how brave are you?
Youll ride Western atop the greatest rock and alien vaporizer ever invented, shooting tiny black holes that spews massive radiation from the event horizon and burn the color from your eyes.
Detail-oriented pilots may notice that an asteroids spin, shape, size and speed determine its deflection vector. But I also know from experience that the best of the best are born great so if you dont understand what Im talking about dont think about it too much. Just focus.
Turns out rocks in space carry incredible kinetic energy, so even the slightest collision with seemingly infinitesimally tiny rocks will cook you like the atomic mushroom you are destined to become.
Alas, we do have a tiny, tiny ray of hope! My research arm has developed an experimental quantum entanglement warp drive. This nifty little thing turns your matter into waves while randomly entangling them with nearby waves.
When you slide back into phase and return to your sometimes painful and often temporary state of matter, you may or may not totally avoid that overwhelming number of rocks that were just about to crush you like a bug!
And dont forget, were taking donations from anyone who would like to access a limited supply of bullets that fly farther! (Recommended by 0/10 morticians)
For those skilled pilots lucky enough to sit atop the all-time leaderboard for even 1 second - the Tiny Asteroids Hall of Fame awaits. Since time doesnt really exist, 1 second as the greatest Tiny Asteroid employee ever isnt really that different than being the forever best. Just think about it, on some gravity wave traveling through the darkness of intergalactic space your 1 second of fame will always be on top!
The last fatal advice I’ll give you before whisking you on your way… don’t give up, don’t ever give up. One more try might get you there.
Signed Sincerely But Not Honestly,
Your New Boss
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Requires Apple Watch 1st or 2nd Edition
Controls: Tilt to move, tap to warp, roll to aim
TIP: Tilt control re-calibrates every Touch to Start. RESET with Force Touch when calibration is off.
GameCenter login required for Hall of Fame entry.